Important! To emphasize the importance of practicing equal love and not showing favouritism amongst our children, the Lord had me write again on this subject. I have therefore partially reworked the Love Your Children Equally article. Like I said below and experienced myself, favouring one child over another leads to bigger problems in the home and society.
“People were bringing little children to Jesus to have Him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, He was indignant [Annoyed at an unfair treatment of children]. He said to them, let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these” (Mark 10:13-14).
The above Scripture is prominently quoted, but with no action! The Lord was visibly annoyed with His disciples for denying children access to Him. This led Him to make the most powerful statement about children and their role in the kingdom of Heaven. The Kingdom is theirs by God’s Sovereign choice. I am referring to children who are under the age of accountability, which according to our Lord Jesus Christ is eight (8) years. This is what He confirmed twice to us through Charis when He rebuked an eight year old girl for deliberate sinful behaviour and He said: “Joan must stop doing wrong things because eight year olds can also go to Hell”.
In a vision, the Lord showed Charis a woman standing in her kitchen with three children. One child was her daughter and the other two children were not hers. These children were all standing one after the other when the woman in the vision suddenly gave sweets to one child while ignoring the other two children. Then someone came in from outside entering the kitchen door and said: “That is unequal treatment of children”. Immediately, after this vision Charis was shown another vision; this time she saw a mother with four of her own children, two boys and two girls. The children were between 10 and 12 years old. In the vision, the Lord made her feel this mother’s strong hatred for her two girls and her favouring love towards her two boys. After these visions, she heard the voice of the Lord saying to a mother in our ministry who was favouring one child above the others: “My daughter W must love her children equally”. This was a similar warning the Lord gave my wife not to have a favourite between our children.
God Loves and Upholds Equality
I am careful not to deviate from our message, but it won’t hurt to mention the following as an encouragement. The Bible categorically associates the Lord with virtues such as justice, righteousness and faithfulness to mention but a few of God’s attributes (Psalm 7:8-11; 2 Thessalonians 1:6; Isaiah 45:18-21). This should undeniably be His children’s desire to be like Him. The Bible makes a loud appeal to people and leaders everywhere to exercise justice and righteousness (Matthew 7:12; Exodus 23:1-9; Colossians 4:1).
When God placed humanity on the earth, He gave them social laws to foster co-existence (Isaiah 1:17; Zechariah 7:9-10; Jeremiah 22: 3; Matthew 7:12; 1 John 3:17-18). These and many other Scriptures echo the same message of fairness. The result of wars and conflict in the world are based on two powerful pillars of evil, namely GREED and Injustice. As it is, peace is denied an entry into human society because man is possessed by these evils and all we see in this world is greed, hurt and death!
Where Did We First Learn to be Unequal?
As children, we have all learned to practice selfishness at home. While I do recognize that selfishness is innate and part of our human nature, we as parents must not encourage this kind of behaviour in our children. Our responsibility is to teach our children to unlearn selfishness. Sadly, today’s message to our children from the mass media portrays selfishness as a way of life. The Word of God says: “If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it” (Genesis 4:7). Our refuge and escape from sin is obedience to God. We have been given the tools to master sin and do right. We have the Bible as our rule of living, the spirit of faith, obedience, prayer and the Holy Spirit who guides and convicts us (John 16:8). These are potent weapons that mightily attack ‘self’ which is feeding onto worldly desires (1 John 2:15-17). Remember, Satan likes to inflate our egos to show us our self-importance – let us therefore guard against this evil (Genesis 3:4-5).
Furthermore, as a parent myself, I had to learn to respect my children as human beings with feelings and not just to demand respect and compliance from them. My wife and I have been repeatedly rebuked by the Lord for infuriating our children. In addition, I strive daily to bring my children up in the ways of the Lord and I teach them to fear God more than us their parents (Ephesians 6:4). If we practice favourite love at home, our children will also practice favourite love to a parent. This inevitably leads to strife between mom, dad and the other children. Lord Jesus, please save us from houses with no peace and discipline!
It is easy to love when we have only one child, but the more children one has the greater the challenge and responsibility. Children compete against one another for our attention, and as parents instead of favouring one, which leads to spoilt brat status, we should encourage them to love and support one another, because “a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17: 17b NIV).
It is considered a blessing to have more children (Psalm 127:3); we must also therefore guard against loving one child more than the other(s), like Jacob did (Genesis 37:3). Jacob loved Joseph more than his other children and this led to Joseph being ill-treated and hated by his brothers. Equally, I have seen how favoured children are abused by others. Therefore, the home, and not the school or church, is the place where we should teach and practice to teach our children fairness and respect for others. We are called to treat others as we desire to be treated (Matthew 7:12); this is equality which cancels out favouritism. If we favour or love one child more than our other children, are we not sinning? Yes we are! Now, not only are we sinning, but also we are preparing children who will transfer this behaviour into society. In return, this unequal treatment of others, which our children adopted from us, will become a well-accepted practice in society.
How to Practice Equal Parenting
Our success in equal parenting is dependent on our personal sense of fairness or justice. When we lack integrity and honesty, we will make poor parenting choices and this will result in many troubles for us with other people and God. I’d rather teach my children how to live with others in society than have society as my enemy because of being biased. I tell you this; prudent and discerning children will blame you later in life for the poor example you set for them. Kindly allow me to state this, when you do not treat children equally you are preparing your children for HELL because you are working against God’s model for raising Godly children (Proverbs 22:6; Ephesians 6:4). In addition, my beloved brethren, we must remember that it is not about us or how we feel, but what is important to God and how it will affect our children’s future and destiny.
Before I turn to testimonies, I would like to add the following for your encouragement. It is our Biblical duty as parents to instruct our children in the fear of the Lord as the above Scripture (Ephesians 6:4) says. It is also our duty as parents to listen to them when they relate their failures and experiences with others. This is invaluable feedback to you to impart or encourage more corrective behaviour.
In the home, children must all feel equally loved. When a child comes to us, as parents, to complain about someone else’s behaviour towards them, we must act to help rectify the problem. It might be some misunderstanding or a problem that requires a just recourse. Failure to intervene when children bring a dispute to us may lead to rejection and some children will get the impression that you do not care about them.
I will use my own upbringing as an example of this. As a child, I grew up with my four sisters and our parents. I was about seven years when my father left home to live with another woman. This badly affected us and especially my mother who resorted to drinking. She became negligent and one of our aunts took care of us. My aunt had children of her own (my cousins) and she practiced gross inequality. Consequently, we suffered unfair verbal and physical abuse. I am not saying this so as to be pitied; I have heartily forgiven and love everybody who made our lives hell.
Sadly, the treatment we received inevitably made me very stubborn, rebellious and hateful. During this ordeal I desired a normal childhood like other children who had their parents. This abuse resulted in me withdrawing from others and it badly affected my relationship with others. I lost my self-confidence and this led to more trouble for me from my peers. In short, I became their scapegoat and laughing stock. This unlovingness I received at home and among my peers generated bitterness in me. I became more defensive and as a result, I transferred it to others, and despite my being saved now, they are still carrying that wicked behaviour today in society. This is the short story of unfavourable love.
It took the GRACE and the LOVE of the Lord Jesus Christ to CHANGE me from this destructive way of life. I am not asserting that all abused or unequally treated children end up like I did; mine has a happy ending in Christ Jesus, and for this I am eternally grateful.
Parents, do you love one child more than the rest? Are you willing to repent from your sins and start loving your children equally? If you are willing, please pray this
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